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nightfall04's Journal

Sunday, July 8, 2007

4:39AM - Moving

It's Official. We are moving to North Carolina.  Got the job offer from the NICU there so we are moving on the 31st.  Jen wants to stay round here, boyfriend and all...he is really a sweetheart though Jen really seems to like him a lot.  Steph also wants to stay here with her fiance Perry and Savanah, they are living at her grandmas...they are looking for thier own place and looking to get married next summer.  Robyn wants to stay with her Dad, but, I have to put my foot down on that one and say no.  She will have to come with us...I think it will be good for her although she is afraid to live somewhere so new.  Change is tough our family is moving through some rough times, but Trevor and I love each other and my girls are strong and we all love each other even though it is hard for them to admit it sometimes. Nothing worth having comes easy,  I am in it for the long haul...I have patience.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

10:24PM - This n that

Wow. I guess I haven't posted in a long while. Man have I been busy. Jen will be graduating in June , I will be flying out to California for that, then the very next day Robyn graduates from the eighth grade so I will need to fly right back.  Jen will be moving back her to Wisconsdin after that cause my sister is moving out to NC. Yeah I miss Jen sooo much! 
Stephanie and the baby are doing ok,  steph is a great mom. She is having some problems with her fiance, though, and is trying to get a job so she can look for a place of her own.   I think she is working in the right direction, I just hope she doesn't forget how important school is. She is considering moving down to florida with her Dad, maybe that would be better than living with those ogres (my ex-laws), who knows?
Robyn has a nice boyfriend and seems to be improving  her grades this quarter.  She is such a mature young lady, sometimes she just blows me away when she talks (in a good way). We are taking Belly Dancing classes together...that is a lot of fun.
Aubry is 20 months old now, and chatting away. Some of it we get...some of it is like she is having a conversation in a foriegn language.  I like to think there is another baby somewhere holding up the other end of that conversation and his mother is a s confused as I am.
Trevor and I don't seem to have a lot of support in the Kenosha area any longer, My family has moved, friends have drifted.   It takes a lot of hard work to raise good healthy kids with support of family and friends and so much harder without it. And with the constant interferance and undermining that my ex in laws keep doing to us...we are emotionally exhausted and at the end of our ropes.  The kids need some positive influences and experiences of what a real supportive system of family and friends is like...and Trevor and I just need to replenish our souls with the love and support that have been lacking in our lives for awhile now. We hope that moving to NC to be near my sister and her husband might be a good move. Give Robyn room to discover herself and have supportive and nurturing family near by for both her and Aubry.    And give Trevor and I a place to raise our kids where WE have support and nurturing as well.  I have applied for a job in a NICU out there as I love it sooooo much!  I hope the universe drops a hint soon on the direction we need to take.  We need a break from this constant stress, need contact with family, need to start living life rather than just mearly trying to get through it.

Current mood: drained

Sunday, February 4, 2007

2:26AM


You are The High Priestess


Science, Wisdom, Knowledge, Education.


The High Priestess is the card of knowledge, instinctual, supernatural, secret knowledge. She holds scrolls of arcane information that she might, or might not reveal to you. The moon crown on her head as well as the crescent by her foot indicates her willingness to illuminate what you otherwise might not see, reveal the secrets you need to know. The High Priestess is also associated with the moon however and can also indicate change or fluxuation, particularily when it comes to your moods.


What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.


Saturday, November 11, 2006

4:15AM - this n that

Wow guess I have not posted in a while. Everything is going very well. My girls are growing up into fantastic women. I am so proud of my Jen for embracing her life in California, she sounds very happy. Everyone needs some room to breathe and just BE sometimes in order to find out what they are about. Stephers is doing good in school in the AI program and will be starting her SAPAR program on Monday. That is the program for pregnant teens @ Reuther. Her Boyfriend Perry should be comming up soon to live with her...she is very excited. She pretty much all set for the baby a baby girl by the way (Savanah Rose). How perfect I can save Aubry's stuff for her. Robyn is VERY much a Teenage girl. Changes outfits several times a day, always chatting on the phone or computer, melting over boys, happy one minute moody the next...she is sooo cute! Still doing well in school. Aubry has ambliopia and will need to get glasses. Her vision is so bad and worse on the left so much so that her left eye drifts in towards her nose esp when she is tired. She was pretty traumatized by the exam, so, they want to get another look when she is not fighting so hard. They want us to dialate her eyes at home, then bring her in hoping that will make things easy on her. After she has gotten her glasses and has had time to get used to them and wind down, they will need to put a patch on her good eye so her weak eye can get stronger and catch up with the other. My little Mr. Magoo. How the hell they are gonna get a 14 month old to keep glasses on I don't know, but they say it generaly is pretty easy cause once the realize they can see better, they pretty much want them on. So we will see. Trevor is doing pretty well with all the Aubry stress and stress of his Dads prostate surgery. He had to go up to Minisota this week to be there. But all is well with his Dad now. And I missed him a lot I am so glad he is back. My new job is so very cool I absoloutly love it. Soon I will be going to my normal shift...weekend nights... SCORE! CHA-CHING! GOOD MONEY! I hope cause I wanna stop this other job. ok gotta go

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

7:56AM

Jen is leaving for California today. We are taking her to the airport this afternoon. She will be living with Terri and Andy out there while she goes to school. I am very excited for her I think this will be a great experience for her. Since she will be out there with my sister i am not too worried about her safety. I will miss her very much, but, I am happy that it gets her out of "Grandma's Clutches" so she can have room to breath. I am thinking Robyn will have a rough time with her big sister gone too, I will need to get her into an activity to keep her mind off missing her. Jen is so ecited though, she hasn't been able to sleep. But, I think she is also sad for leaving her boyfriend and so many childhood memories behind. There will be soooo many cool new ones though. Love you Jen!

Current mood: melancholy

Thursday, September 14, 2006

5:31PM

I completed my first week at the NICU. Wow!!!!!!! I am sooooo excited. What a great learning environment. There are about a billion different ways to learn something over there. And about a billion different people and services just to manage one tiny being. They are completely committed to educating their staff and their parents. Excelent traing program so far. I will actually starting with my preceptor on Wed. next week. I met her today very cool. I got to see some babies today too.. The tiniest one was 27 weeks old. I am completley juiced about this job, I can't wait to start hands on.

Current mood: excited

Sunday, September 10, 2006

3:57AM

wow...been busy at work and home. Anyhoo... Aubrey is one year old today!!!! Gonna have a small party for her. Trevor spent part of the evening putting together her wagon we got her, a Radio Flyer! it is a two seater..very cool. Can't wait for her to dig into the cake. Robyn is tolerating school....she realy does not enjoy Mahone so much, but I think they have done a great job with her education so far...so she is working on getting to know the new kids in her homeroom this year. Stepher is having some health issues with this pregnancy, but baby looks good...she had an ultrasound yesterday and I swear that baby waved at her...have a sonogram of it too just to prove it. Jen is working...just waiting for sears to get back to her after her interview for the portrait studio. I wish she would get back into school though...It is soo important and she does not realize how much harder it is the longer you wait.
I start my new job on monday. Although I am excited about that, I am also worried about things at home while I am working so far away. Trev and I have been kinda distant lately, just seems like things are too stressful for us right now and we haven't been communicating well. I don't like that trend...hope things work right round soon.

Friday, September 8, 2006

2:26AM

Well the new apartment is great! More room for sure...one less bathroom, but, I have a garage. Trying to finish the decorating, but there is tooo much wall space. We have cathedral ceilings in the living room and I don't know how to decorate with those.
Aubry is walking now...she actually started at 10 months. I put jingle bells on her shoes so we know where she so now when she walks she stomps her chubby little feet as she goes so she can hear them...it's sooo cute. gotta go more later.

Monday, July 17, 2006

1:23AM - Yahooooooooooo!

I got the job at the NICU in Milwaukee!!!! Finally. I start orientation on Sept. 11th. It will be 14 weeks, more than likely it will be days, then I go to third shift. I can't wait to start, i haven't been this excited about work in a long time.
We will be moving on July 28-29th it is a Friday and Saturday. Will gladly accept any help! Dinner and a dip in the pool for any takers. Won't be too far just down the road a bit to the Kenosha Commons. Nice layout...more space cheaper rent. Unfortunatly one less bathroom...eeek! I think we will have a party once we settle in.
Kids are doing great and for those that do not know....I am going to be a grandma! Yupp a grandma you heard me right. Stepher is preggers. She wants to stay down in TN for now ...we will see how things go...I would like her back here, but, she is just so bull headed. Changes...changes...changes.

Current mood: excited

Saturday, July 1, 2006

11:33AM - ugggggggggg

Still no answer from Milwaukee, they are gonna make me wait all weekend and through the holiday I bet.
arggggggg.

Current mood: frustrated

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

1:40AM - This and That

Wow...a lot is going on right now. Just got back from A trip to the Carolina's...My nieces wedding. I had a good time. A little too hot..but, still nice. My whole family was out there, it was good to see them all. My sister and brother in law from California are going to move out there. I think my parents may eventually want to settle there too. I want to be there with them. I was talking to my sister (who needs badly to have kids, she is so good with them, but, the fates have decided that she cannot have any), I told her I would be thrilled to be a surrogate for her, and she said that she will talk it over with her hubby. Just think eventually I could be in N.C. with my whole family and my sister and I could raise our babies together! That would be awesome!

Other news: I had an interview last week at Children's Hospital up in Milwaukee for a position in thier NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit)...little tiny babies! They seem very interested, they had me shadow a nurse yesterday to see if the job would be a good "fit" for me. I loved it! I have wanted to do this for sooooo long. If I don't get this I will be absoloutly crushed. If I do get it...they have a program that will cover my schooling costs so I can get my BSN, the first step on my way to becomming a neonatal nurse practitioner. The rest of that schooling can take place in NC, they actually have the program there for it.

Other, other news: We are moving at the end of the month, just down the road not too far. Our apartment complex went condo and they are not renewing the leases and we don't wanna buy.
They kids are doing good, Jen has a good plan for her immediate future! College will start for her in the winter semester so she is looking to move to Madison the end of the summer to get setteled in and get a job. Stephanie is on again off again with her boyfriend but seems to be happy enough, I wish she would really get motivated about school though. Robyn is doing well. Enjoying her KYPAC (kenosha youth performing arts club). And she aced this semester at school she is actually 1st in her class rank! Aubry is cute as can be, very interactive..says Momma, Dadadada, crawls and pulls herself up on everything. She is such a snuggle bear and loves her sissys.
Ok nuff for now.

Current mood: excited

Monday, June 5, 2006

2:52AM - Crawling

Little Aubry is crawling...scooting really...it is just soooo damn cute! She gets up on all 4's then literally launches herself forward then pulls both knees forward at the same time. She is also putting her hands up on the crib rails and "peeking" over the side to see who is there...whooaa...had to drop that crib matress right then and there before she could pull herself up and fall out. So big sooooo fast. Sigh...

Sunday, April 23, 2006

4:13AM

Working, working, working...getting fried, crispy, well done. Kids are growing up soooooo damn fast. Jen is 18 and grown...at least she thinks she is. I wish I could get her to really see what she is losing with her "I don't care" attitude towards her studies and her home responsibilities. However, she seems to have a plan: Move to Madison with Renee and go to MATC for photography. This is a good plan, I hope she can stick with it and make it work despite what she has lost due to her lack of attention to school (ie scholarships, grants, internship possibilities). She will shortly find out that if she can't make a go of it in college...she will be on her own. My insurance won't cover her if she doesn't take a full load and pass her courses, and I can not...will not give her a free ride, but, I will be happy to help as long as she is helping herself too. Stephy remains in TN with her dad, despite the fact that his girlfriend left, and there is no one to keep an eye on her when he is working at night. They have also made the brilliant decision that she should be home schooled, how that will happen I don't know, he is not qaulified to teach her and she is not disciplined enough to do independant study. She said she wanted to do this because there is now no one to take care of her dad. I think it is so she can be home to hang with her 15 year old fiancee!(Yes I said fiancee ugggg!) Who is home schooled too. How convenient. Her dad is letting her I am sure because he is too lazy to try and figure out how to get her to and keep her in school now that his girlfriend is not there to handle things. So by the age of 17 I expect her to be pregnant and married...for someone who doesn't wanna be anything like me...she is sure following in my footsteps. Robyn is doing well..trying to stay on my goodside I bet because the other girls have given me so much grief and stress lately. She is a good kid, wise beyond her years, always a little sad, an old soul I call her. She has a boyfriend she realy likes...they are very cute together. She needs to have less family stress around her maybe she will smile more. I always said that I don't care what my kids did with their lives as long as they were happy...they seem to be...so I will try to be as supportive as I can...give advice and guidance when and where I can...bite my tongue even when in my heart I know they are making a mistake...they will do what they want...I just need to make sure I am here if they fall, to catch them and put them back on thier feet again.

Current mood: tired

Thursday, February 23, 2006

9:28PM

What a week I have had. Fri night saturday morning was the worst night I have had at work in a while. I spent all night trying to pull this patient through despite the Doctors lack of orders, we worked on her hard for hours when she finally crumped and we had to code her in the morning and lose her in the end in the cath lab while they were putting a pacer in her. I was there for four hours after my shift ended just trying to put all the pieces together and finish my charting. It has been weighing on me all week. Some patients just stick with you I guess.
That night we had Jen's Choral fest, and despite how tired I was, we had a great time. The Choirs were fantastic and Jens in particular...just wonderful. The training these kids have had over their years just shines through. We took Aubry with, and she sat there in the bleachers with us for the whole 3 hours with out fussing at all. She actually was listening to the music and a couple of times it actually seemed if she was trying to sing with them. I think we need to socialize her a little more though, even though she sat beautifully for us, she was a little startled every time there was applause and she had to be comforted.
Robyn has been participating in after school play practice a Lincoln for the Charlie Brown Musical they are putting on, and despite the time it takes from homework she is still swinging those good grades. She even was able to take a practice run at the SAT's early based on high test scores on her IOWA exams, and she has started to participate in a math program called the Quiz Bowl, (hehe she is the only girl!).
On the poopy side of things, my mom and dad are moving out of this area to Dublin Ohio! My dad got transfered to a facility out there. IT SUCKS! My mom is my best buddy, don't know what I am gonna do without her around. Fooey!
Have to take a week or so off of work...I have tendonitis it my right wrist(I am a righty too), they splinted it and gave me a few restrictions, so, work won't let me take patients till the splint comes off and the restrictions are lifted. When did I start to fall apart so easily...I think the injury is work related, from our new med room door, I have jarred it a few times and doing CPR Etc but I don't have a specific time or instance of injury, bummer. Oh well I guess I am done whinning.

Current mood: stressed

Tuesday, February 7, 2006

2:43AM

I have been enjoying very much my new hobby of scrapbooking. I have looked back through my journal entries and realized what a great addition they would make to Aubry's baby book, since they tell alot about her first few months. I think Trevor and I will need to make more entries more often in order to make sure this first year of hers does not slip away, and all those wonderful little moment of hers don't get forgotten. 4 months old, going into her fifth and what a lovely little baby she is. She is starting to roll now, Trevor sees it more than I, 'cause he spends most of the mornings with her. Evidently our little darling rolled onto her tummy in her crib and didn't know how to roll back, and since she realy does not like tummy time very much at all, she pitched quite a fit. She certainly has her moods though...very happy and talkative in the mornings, coos and giggles and burbbles, lots of squeeling lately. She loves to hear the sounds that she can make. Like zerberts, unfortunatly she likes to do this mostly while I am trying to feed her, and she thinks it is very funny. And just so that there is no mistake a fussy Aubry is a tired Aubry. She does NOT like to be tired. So nap at 9 and 2ish are essential..and she can never quite make it to 7 before she is worn out and crabby!! She still does not take to strangers well (that is anyone other than Mom, Dad, Jen, and Robyn)...that little bottom lip comes out and she starts looking around for mommy and daddy to rescue her. She certainly has mastered the art of the pout, gonna get it on film if it kills me. She also seems to have an affinity for laying around half naked, loves to grab her feet and pull off her socks too. Can't wait to see what she does next.

Current mood: happy

Monday, January 30, 2006

12:57AM - Trevie

Trevor was sick over the weekend. Ended up being his gallbladder. He had surgery sunday morning to take it out..he did very well. Pain was not bad, surgery was quick. He had all the best taking care of him. Should be home by monday afternoon. He has been sick with a very bad cold all week too...poor guy has lost well over 15 lbs do to not eating and being ill. Change of diet now will also help him loose weight...so we will all comiserate with him and change our eating habbits as well.
Unfortunatly I had to work all weekend while this was going on so I am one fried puppy. The girls have been a big help with Aubry, who has been missing her Daddy toy something fierce and making sure everyone knows about it. Ok back to work I go.

Current mood: relieved

Wednesday, January 4, 2006

5:24PM - This and that

2006...what will it bring? Last year I lost my Grandpa Ernie....what a sweetheart of a man. I also lost my Aunt Jo...she could give a good hug..and make you laugh about the sillest things...I will realy miss her.

SO one of my new year resoloutions (I hate that phrase) is to spend more time with my family and friends in situations that don't require mourning a loved one. It is a shame that that the only way loved ones can get together is over a funneral. I miss my cousins and friends we always have such a good time when we hang out...so I will be making more efforts this year to do it. The easiest way to ensure that is to set dates:
SO on Friday I will be having a little get together (the 12th Day of Christmas)for friends and family. I will be making TURKEY! Jan 10th my sister and brother in law are comming to spend some time...there will be a family fun night. No one works, no one babysits...just a night filed with fun... can't wait. My Neice Jacinda will be getiing married in May...More family fun!!!

Jen starts college this year. Wow what one little sentance can do to your nerves...lol. So a large part of this year will be to get financially ready for this (emotionaly too). Thank heaven for Aubry...she will ease my sad heart to see my first little chickadee leave the nest.

More later, Aubry is fussy. (she must have heard me thinking about her..lol.)

Monday, December 19, 2005

2:47PM - 5 Wierd Habits of mine

I will write about my 5 habits, but, I don't have anyone to tag as everyone I know has already been tagged. So here they are:


1. I have to, have to, have to, wash my hands before starting anything important..ie a project or a test etc.

2.Everytime I take off Aubry's socks I have to check for toe lint and, when I nurse her, I have to check for boogies and finger jams.

4.I have to kick my socks off when I get under the covers to sleep.

5. I can never make a meal with out having to clean the kitchen before I start.

6. I generally have to make my bed before I get in and mess it up again to sleep.

Thursday, December 1, 2005

1:06AM - Wicked

What a long day! left at 8am this morning to go with Robyn's choir to see the play Wicked. It was very very good...definately wanna read the book! The music was amazing! We did not get back til 7:15, then we had to run over to Tremper to see Jen's choir..she had an ensemble piece and did spectacularlly!

On a side note...I am writing a book and I would like to hear about everyones experiences and or traditions with Yule. We are going to incorporate some new traditions this year for Aubry, based around Yule, and I thought I might make a childrens book about the subject for her.

Current mood: tired

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

3:44PM

Jen cut her hair!....that beautiful hair. She didn't even save me a piece...sniff. Go figure she is even more beautiful with it short.

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